Eighth Post: Long Overdue

Miss me? Of course you did.

Hello blogosphere. I'm back with vengeance. My apologies for my absence. You see I was doing this thing called college and though it's been fun with all the staying up late studying for midterms and the not understanding financial accounting like it's rocket science...I decided it's time for a break. Yep, winter break was my idea, folks. You're welcome-- not to mention the smarties that run my university let us have one finally but that's just formality.

But luckily for you, that means Amy has partaken in perhaps one of the most dangerous retail endeavors a person can EVER take on.

SEASONAL HOLIDAY RETAIL. Which, quite frankly, is really code for "the period of time where people who have no business or interest in shopping/materialism/consumerism enter in the mall while they coat themselves with stress and lists and drive their friendly neighborhood retailers insane."

Insane? Why you ask? Because they hate everything that we (and by we I mean all of us with shopping habits that could solve economic crises of the world) love. To them holiday shopping is not about finding a fabulous cable knit cardigan sweater on sale or a black and white peter pan collared button up shirt, those darn little scrooges bring unnecessary panic into my department, into my HOME (just kidding, but I just wanted you to understand the severity of the issue).

Point is, it sucks. more sucks than every other complaint I've ever made in past posts. Because it sucks with gift wrapping which by the way is my new least favorite words of December.

You see, in the summer saying "fitting room" might have made me cringe. But now, "gift wrapping" has me downright whimpering in the fetal position. For the record, I'd like to say I have no problem wrapping your presents for you but it's when you buy 12 sweaters and want me to individually wrap all of them in 10 minutes or less. And then you get mad at me for not making each one perfect. It just makes me nervous with your crazy holiday shopping eyes staring at me, and there's only so many cardboard paper cuts I can get from rushing before I say ENOUGH. You all just need to calm down and enjoy the chemically-engineered aroma of christmas trees and gingerbread cookies around you. Sheesh.

On a side note, I didn't have time to take fancy pictures, but I do however LOVE my hipstamatic app on my phone.

- distressed Amy...

- But look at my cute work outfit! (Suede dress from H&M, Blazer from Nordstrom)

- an artsy photo for good measure.

Anywho, 4 days till Christmas! Can't wait!

No longer desperate for sympathy...but begging,

Amy

Seventh Post: Farewell

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my farewell post. It's been a great summer, and my retail job has now found its end and I have nothing left to complain about.

Just kidding! Didn't mean to give you a heart attack. You didn't think I'd leave you all Amy ranting-less, did you? How rude that would've been of me, and honestly the list of retail things I can complain about is eternal. However like I dramatically and soap opera-y mentioned above, I am no longer employed! Now usually this is a sad statement but in my case, it's means to celebrate (mostly because I got out of working tax-free weekend!). I'm going back to Austin so I can learn a thing or two from higher education and more importantly, so I can cash in on some Austin vintagey/thrifty shopping.

No pictures today, looks like you'll just have to read. Who says the written word is dead? (or is it typed?)

Key Note: This, metaphorically of course, is the part in the novel where the author shifts his or her point of view. And because my blog is comparable to great literature, I am now shifting my point of view from salesperson to customer. It's about to get wild.

Austin post to follow SOON, I promise. But for now...Farewell, Dallas!

PS. Before I leave you forever, Dallas (or at least, until Thanksgiving) Those of you who are lucky enough to be in town for the grand opening of the first EVER H&M in Texas on August 18th at Northpark Mall, please think of me the whole time you're there (perhaps take a picture of me if it'll help!)

Love,

Amy

Sixth Post: The Short Age

All right, so I've just gotten home from a full day of work and class (in case you were wondering class is still gross and we're still not talking about it) and I've decided that we're going to skip the pleasantries today and go straight to ranting. We've got a lot of ground to cover.

As I have slaved away for almost 3 long months of standing on my feet for 8 straight hours and literally being afraid of opening fitting room doors for fear of the mounds of fabric all over the floor, I have realized that the most exhausting part of the job is a mental issue rather than a physical one. Dealing with the various amounts of personalities that come in and out of the mall may just be one of the most challenging aspects of the job. You crazy, customers you!

I have in my delirious state categorized customers into 3 different types and they are as follows:

1) The "If you ask me one more stupid question I'm going throw hangers at you" customer: Let us all take a minute and rewind back to 4th grade math class, do you remember that kid that raised their hand immediately after a lesson and asked a question? Do you remember the 10 gazillion questions that came after that? Do you remember how annoyed you were? Well, low and behold that kid grew up and decided to go shopping.

2) The "I'm sorry I wasn't bitten by a radioactive spider and can move at lightening speeds to serve you" customer: Sorry, but I'm not sorry. This customer seems to always be in a hurry and a foul mood. For whatever reason it may be, I did not put on my customer service voice for you! Calm down, take a breath, and enjoy the materialism around you please.

3) The "Omg please be my friend and let me go shopping with you all the time" customer: This customer is unfortunately scarce, but when you do come around, I wholeheartedly appreciate it. You like clothes, you fully appreciate and succumb to my incoherent babbling about cute things I saw and want to make people try on. And when you leave, instead of saying "thank you! have a lovely day!" I really want to say "thank you! please take me with you wherever you're going"

- Take it from me, you want to be in Category 3. I'm going to make stickers or something.

But there's always the light at the end of every tunnel (and by tunnel, I really mean my blog metaphorically....just go with it)

The PICTURES. For those of you who just scrolled past my wonderfully thought-out rant (you know who you are, and you should be ashamed of yourselves), here's to shorts! I love them. I love them when it's hot. I love them when it's cold. I love them high-waisted. I love them with tights. And I especially love them when they're on sale for 10$ at Urban Outfitters! I bought two and I just have to show you.

The Floral:

(Shorts and Shoes from Urban Outfitters, Blouse from Nordstrom)

The high-waisted with scalloped detailing :

(Shorts from Urban Outfitters, Top from Uniqlo, Sandals from Nordstrom)

Okey dokey, now go hide from the heat inside a mall and be a good customer!

Love,

Amy

Fifth Post: Signature

So it's my day-off! You know what that means? My sanity has returned and I have every reason to grace you with my lanky presence with yet another photo shoot.

Disclaimer: My goal within the immediate future is to master the art of fashion blogger posing. I have taken some key points from some of my absolute favz Man Repeller and Fashion Toast however I'm hoping to add some of my own personal spark to it. Perhaps give you the feeling of "Why yes, I have just finished dealing with some retail ruckus and though I may just pass out from my work delirium, nothing can stop me from shopping some more!"

But of course, I always dress with purpose (as should every true fashionista). I am a firm believer that every one has a signature look. It's all that personal style you read about in magazines. And I do think that if we want to continue on this relationship of blogger to reader, it's necessary that you are fully aware of my love for the nautical. I like the stripes, the anchors, the navy and white, the gold chains, the rope detailing, the crisp preppy feel, etc but I hope you get the gist.

So without further or do, I give you my signature:

(Dress from Zara, Rebecca Minkoff satchel, Boots from Target, Necklace from Forever 21)

Ta-da! Welcome to what half of my closet (okay, more than half, but really who's counting?) looks like.

What's your signature?

No sympathy needed...today anyway,

Amy

Fourth Post: Pay Day

Behold, the one blog post that may be excused from my endless whining (I know this change of pace may be troublesome, but don't you worry, the complaints will resume and still be thrown at you copiously and perpetually). Today is a special occasion, one in which I'd like to share with you and is perhaps long overdue.

The one day that makes all the nightmares of being attacked by hangers (it happened. and no it's not weird.) worth it.

Pay Day. Oh miraculous it is, because it makes all of my troubles go away. It kindly says "hey, look at all the pretty pretty money now in your bank account. You can spend freely until the novelty wears off (or the money..whichever comes first)."

I give to you...my Marc by Marc Jacobs shorts modeled by yours truly.

- Ya like how they're hiding behind red railing from a playground set? Oh the intrigue

- Voila! Paired with a striped racerback tank from Madewell and a gold necklace from Anthropologie

- the artsy close-up and sea-foam green nails- what a combination!

I'd like to point out that as the positively professional photoshoot continued, the shots grew in seriousness.

For example, I was reading Fashion Gone Rogue one day and decided I'd take on the Photo of the day.

- the original (Photo via Fashion Gone Rogue)

- the Amy (can you see a difference at all? I didn't think so)

Finally, I leave this complaint-free blog with the many faces of Amy!

Hope you've enjoyed your retail experiences lately, otherwise I'm not doing my job very well!

Love,

Amy

Third Post: Sales, Sales, Sails

So, I apparently suck at keeping up with a blog. Will you all forgive me? I know you've been long-awaiting my updates because honestly, let's be real here...What's life without my constant ranting? Nothing. I know.

My life recently has consisted of work, finishing up Calculus I (which I made an A in! Yay, but the subject still disgusts me so let the mention of it end here.), and going to New York to visit my friend (excitement rant to follow)

However, I'd like to address retail at its FINEST. It's called a sale. Please don't mistake it for a sail, which though is as equally pleasant with its homonymity and nautical affiliations is just not the same.

A sale, in the retail world, is when a myriad of items are discounted from their original selling price to one that is less. I bet that sounds really great, but then again what do you know? you're a customer. To a sales associate, a sale is what Rachel Zoe would call a cluster fuck and is akin to letting a wild animal go loose on a table of neatly folded shirts that took you all morning to take out of the box and size and color-coordinate. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

At my place of employment, we've been prepping for this sale and started allowing VIP customers (aka ones that like to spend a lot of money on things they want or need or may some day possibly want or need) and it's been causing me to get knots in my back. Knots of tension, knots of aching fingers from holding too many hangers at once, knots of tiny children messing up my neat displays of necklaces and earrings, all sorts of knots and it's NOT okay.

But with my ONE moment of optimism, the light at the end of this deathly tunnel of staying an hour and a half late at work after the store has closed to fix the mess that you crazy consumers made for me, I have found that my trip to New York (financed by retail) made it all worth it.

Here's a sample of why:

- Banner Tank, Built by Wendy

- Scalloped Tank, TopShop

Cari Silk Linen Shorts, Marc by Marc Jacobs

Ps.Just for the record I realize that I am a hypocrite for complaining about consumers and then being a consumer myself, but let's not let the uglies of this reality ruin the happy part of my blog okay?

Pps. I had a photoshoot (aka my cousin's boyfriend's fancy SLR camera and ME in a park) with those Marc by Marc shorts! Get excited. Excuse my lack of ability to upload my own photos.

Still desperate for sympathy,

Amy

Second Post: Mall Slang

Oh hey, back for more? (Unless this is your first time reading my blog, in that case this is embarrassing- feel free to scroll down) Anyway, I'm glad my complaints are amusing to all of you- no sarcasm intended.

I'd like to introduce you to a thing I like to call work delirium. I generally have it every day after work, but for some days it's stronger. It's usually more of a mental strain rather than a physical one, but there are exceptions (like when you try to pretend to be the fancy schmancy fashion people you see in New York/Paris movies running around in 4 inch heels all day, but what you forget is that cinematography is cheating you by not showing you the blisters and callouses these people get-- yeah, I tried it and all I have to say is "Not worth it"). Work delirium, I've discovered, is kind of like taking the SATS three times in a row...while standing. You feel completely wiped out afterwards and are incapable of doing simple things like respond to your name or walk with one foot in front of the other.

It's pretty suck. So much that it really just doesn't deserve grammatical accuracy.

But one thing I'd like to point out is "customer service voice." I have realized and am completely guilty of changing my tone when talking to customers. It's like a mix between your kindergarten teacher and what you sound like when you're calling your puppy to come play with you. I never noticed it when I was myself a customer, but now that I am on the other end...it's just so weird. Do people enjoy being greeted with completely staged phrases?

For example, a normal interaction goes like so...

Salesperson: Hellllllllllllllllo ladies! How are we doing today?! Are you shopping for anything in particular?

Customer: No, just browsing.

Salesperson: All Right then! You just let me know if I can get you anything at all, okay?

It's borderline annoying. I've decided this is my ideal interaction...

Salesperson: Hey, what's up?

Customer: looking for clothes

Salesperson: Cool, spend a lot okay? I'm working on commission here.

At least it's honest, right? Anyway, some pictures to go along with tonight's rant.

- hey place of employment, stop following me.

- highlight of my day: two, not ONE, cookies. Leave me alone.

Written with love and desperate for sympathy,

- Amy

Ps. A piece of advice: If you read the blog as if there are no spaces in between the words and all in ONE breath, then that is exactly how I intended it to sound.

First Post: Character Development

So I like clothes, and I like to think that's the most interesting thing about me but that would make me pretty much 99% of the materialistic world. But I'm also a broke college student-- which is the real problem.

I torture myself reading fashion magazines and blogs and educate myself with the latest trends so I find myself saying "omgdidyouseethenewisabelmarantspring2011collection? I WANT." to random people on the street who think I'm crazy. Well, I am..plus, who am I kidding I live in the suburbs-- finding someone on the street would be impossible.

I decided that I needed to somehow cater to my shopping habit and get a summer job as I take summer calculus classes (ew...gross, let's not talk about it) I found one working retail at a department store. I took this job despite all of my friends and family telling me how much it sucked. I mean the commission, the competition, the folding of clothes, the shoulder-strap-thingies-getting-caught-onto-multiple-hangers, the needy customers, etc. But I decided that I wanted to learn for myself why "Retail Hell The Book" was written. (cue Miss Independent music by Kelly Clarkson)

So I'm here to tell you my journey as I discover new and exciting things! Do I sound like a bad high school graduation speech? My bad. Translation: I'm going to use this blog so I can vent about how I realized why my job is synonymous with hell, but I still have it so I can afford to feed my rampant consumerism.

- Oh and this is me! Just in case you were wondering...

- Amy